Positive Meaning of Dealing With Conflicts In Your Relationship

You have to fight for what you value in a relationship to keep a long-term healthy happy relationship. If you are being unhappy in the relationship, it would never be a healthy relationship.


Everyone hates conflict or emotional upset. If you are a conflict avoidant, you’d better know the positive meaning of dealing conflicts in a relationship, which is inevitable and necessary. Many people have a tough time in high conflict situations because they don’t know how to deal with it.

As we get upset, there will be negative emotions. If you never talk about your problems, you will never solve them. But the point is you have to deal with it constructively. By dealing with the problems together, both parties would secure the chance to gain a better understanding of each other.

Questions for contemplation: What do you want? Cast blame to your partner so you can feel better or reach a consensus to solve the issue?


Rule: Try not to attack your partner.

By doing so, your partner might become defensive, which might shut down further communication and damage to a relationship. Try not to make the communication as an accusation. If you get mad or upset, try to understand your partner, and give him/her the chance to make apologies or offer explanations if you still want the relationship. Blaming do no good to both parties and would lower relationship satisfaction.


How often one couple fights against each other is not a determinant in the success of a marriage, but how they fight and how they deal with their conflicts. Respect is the defining variable. As long as couples deal with their conflicts with the right tone and proper facial expression, healthy fighting would not be a threat to the relationship. Even, Making-up can make the relationship closer than before.


Constructive fighting strengthens the relationship by increasing understanding and trust.

Weathering the storm allows a couple to build up their intimacy.


Set up your boundaries or rules once and fall once.

So you guys do not have to fight for the same topic or issue over again.


Seek a rational communication rather than an offensive confrontation.

They are not your enemy, treat them with the fundamental respect you would give to a stranger. Treat him or her as a free individual and be aware that your partner owns the rights to leave the relationship anytime. Do not yell at them. If you are willing to deal with the conflict in soft words and tone, you guys are less likely to encounter explosive reactions from both parties.


Vent your feeling of hurt ASAP.

Do not suppress your anger or sorrow. Express your hurt and releases your tension, anxiety and fear ASAP. Keeping emotions bottled up is very dangerous. Negative emotions build up. Anxiety and stress accompany harmful hormones, which is harmful to our body and mind.

We’ve seen too many people suppress their anger and worries, and they got ulcers. Studies have proved that negative emotion has a direct link to physical inflammation.


Your partner will get to know you better.  

If you are unable to fully express yourself to your partner, there will be an invisible distance between you and your partner.


As couples work through the tough stuff, they will able to witness the true character of their partner and the essence of the relationship.

Some people afraid that fighting would bring the worst tendencies of both parties. Ideally, healthy communications for adults should be dealt with in a peaceful and rational approach. If your partner can’t handle communications, it’s a great time for you to rethink whether they are fit to be your lifetime partner.

It also gives you the chance to check how much you love your partner and vice versa.  

Margaret W. Lavigne

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