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There’s no satisfying or pleasing rejection. Save your time on making a perfect unharmful rejection.

There’s no satisfying or pleasing rejection. Believe me. Save your time on making a perfect unharmful rejection. There’s no such a thing. When you are trouble for someone’s request, there are only two possibilities:

1. The person who you like or important to you makes a difficult request for you.

2. People you don’t like makes an easy request. If someone you dislike makes a difficult request, it makes the refusal reasonable. But some easy request consumes your time as well. Once you say yes, you have to sacrifice your rest or weekend. You are unwilling to help because you don’t like him/her or because he/she never give a hand to you whenever he/she can.

Being a yes-man means you would never have enough sleep or rest. And you will be famed for being a bleeding-heart. But you won’t be popular.

You should be nice, but it’s not your obligation to be a bleeding-heart or yes-man.

★Don’t make your favors cheap. Stop being overly nice or playing the role of a bleeding-heart. 

Again,  saying YES all the time is just FOOLISH. As you make yourself a softie, you make your favors cheap. People will take it for granted for you do the favor for anyone. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person. Saying yes all the time makes you a bleeding-heart and people will lose respect for you. Trust me. You won’t be popular for your effort. People have respect for those who stick to their principles. Do you have the symptom of the desire to please everyone around you? Quit it. 

If you are able to set up your rules successfully for once, people will get to know it. It will save you troubles like this in the future. Conversely, if people get to know your weakness, you will have more troubles in the future.

★The inability to say no symbolize total weakness.
If you are unable to stand your ground and honor your boundaries, you will never happy and never be fully respected. And you will disappoint at yourself. 

★Real Friends won’t ask for inappropriate requests or favors. They won’t take advantage of your friendship.

Significantly, if he or she is your true friend, real friends won’t take advantage of you by asking inappropriate requests. If your rejection makes you lose someone’s friendship, that’s not a solid friendship from the very beginning, never ever. You don’t have to mourn for it. Save your time. It’s good to know that, the earlier the better. 

It’s your rights to reject any request. You don’t owe anyone anything, even if they are your friends. It’s your right to arrange your time and energy own personal preference. As asserted by Steve Mueller, “It’s time to stop being everybody’s darling so that you can finally live your life the way you want it to.” Trust me. Your true friend won’t take advantage of your friendship. 

You are unwilling to say yes to his request, it’s not because you are not nice, it’s just you don’t want to make effort for him or her. 

★Be clear about your priorities. Value your time. Time is money.

Added commitments means less time for yourself or family and less time for rest and sleep. 

You can never be productive, healthy and happy if you take on too many requests in daily lives. To upgrade your life quality and minimize your stress, it’s a must to practice the art of saying No.

★Don’t apologize for your rejection.

Apologizing just makes your rejection unjustified. Reply a firm and unapologetic rejection and guard your time.

★What stop you from saying NO and honoring your principles?

1) You are afraid to be seen as selfish, indifferent or self-centered. You are afraid of people’s harsh judgment or hostility.

2) You are too afraid to hurt someone’s feelings.

3) You are afraid that rejection might lead to anger, resentment, or trouble.

4) You are afraid that rejection will damage the relationship once and for all. Whenever you are desperate to build a good relationship with someone, it’s harder for you to say  “no.” Because you are too scared to jeopardize that relationship.

5) You desire peace too much. You are too afraid of making conflicts or arguments.

These issues might arise. That’s for sure. Ask yourself. Are you willing to sacrifice your lifetime happiness and lifetime choices for the sake of the aforementioned concerns? If you don’t want it , forsake these ideas once and for all.

▲Justify your rejection and make it clear.

Saying yes to everyone would only make your time and favor cheap. being a bleeding-heart or softie would only make you weak. What is worse, everyone will get to know your weakness. People will take advantage of you. They will take good use of your time, connection or anything. But they won’t love you. Generally, People belittle the weak.

Make your principle public. It might save you trouble.  Don’t present yourself as a passionate softie, you will be in trouble. I assure you.

Firstly, evaluate how much you might lose if you reject this person. Is he or she your lifetime friend? Is this friendship irreplaceable? Is your friendship essentially an unequal relationship? Does he stand by you when you need his company or help? Does he or she defend you when others gossip behind you or slander about you?[1]  Is he/she being supportive to you during the hard times?

▲You have responsibilities for your own rules. You have rights to defend your life value and rules for sure.

 “ It is saying NO that lets you define and protect your boundaries. Having boundaries is a necessity. Boundaries say who you are and who you are not […. ] Having good boundaries means you are spending your time and energy wisely. You are in charge and you are doing the choosing [….] When you say YES when you want to say NO you are interpreting requests as demands that you have no choice in responding to [….] Saying NO means you are grounded and you know the ground ….and you are clear about what you are willing to do.” By Lisabeth Saunders Medlock, Ph.D. , You Can Say NO: 8 Ways to Refuse Gracefully

If you want to be respected and be able to stick to your principles with boundaries and rules. Giving a rejection is a necessary course.

▲Who deserves you to sacrifice your happiness for his or her own good?

Don’t sacrifice your happiness, time and life quality for someone don’t deserve it. Without doubt, it’s not your obligation to please anyone. If you are the one who is inclined to put others before yourself all the time, you can’t be truly happy. And you do need to rethink about it seriously.

When you say YES when you want to say NO, what you do is mistreating yourself by giving others’ priority over yours, by putting others’ happiness above yours. Be careful. In this approach, you don’t value your well-being at all. You don’t cherish your time, rights and happiness. If you keep doing this to yourself, you will be totally disappointed about yourself sooner or later. It’s okay to put your own needs above others. It’s not your obligation to assure others’ happiness by sacrificing yours.

▲Indeed, give rejection could be pretty easy for some people…..

▲How to say No for the Requests properly? 

What you should say: “I wish I could, but as a rule, I don’t….” “I wish I could. But my schedule is overloaded as it is.”

For instance, never lend money to friends. Don’t make your reputation as a walking, breathing ATM.

[1] Defend someone you care. It’s crucial for maintaining a close bond.

Tag: friend’s  demand and request , frenemy, false friends,  Guilt-Free Strategies for Saying No

 

Margaret W. Lavigne 司馬儀

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