Psychology |Healthy and Unhealhty Jealousy|Wise Library 1985

Research  Writer: Margaret W. Lavigne 


You get jealous of another person only when you feel bad about yourself or when you value yourself as inadequate or inferior to others, consciously or subconsciously. In other words, those who feel good about themselves are less likely to suffer from jealousy. 


Negative emotions do blind our judgments. Jealousy is an intense negative emotion and jealousy blinds our vision to see our luck and blessings.


Trauma, Low-Esteem and Inner Critic
Low self-esteem is a common sign of trauma. Negative emotions stem from disturbing life experiences or a single bitter thought.  People suffer when they are being devalued or discriminated against. People who fail to forgive doom to tortured by bad memories that they can’t help but replay traumatic memories in the brain. Ultimately, they tend to adopt self-criticism in themselves. 


Jealousy becomes problematic when it starts to “creeps into every aspect of your life,” said Kathy Morelli, LPC, a psychotherapist with a marriage and family counseling practice in Wayne, N.J.


Low self-esteem is a common symptom of trauma, which makes a person being possessive, moody, and more likely to suffer from depression. People learn to devalue themselves through other’s discrimination. Jealousy originates from an inferiority complex. Jealousy is an intense negative emotion that will plague people to amplify any unpleasant things.  persistent negative emotion and chronic depression proved to damage our rationality and mental health.  Thus, do not undervalue the danger of jealousy. As you are being jealous of others, you’d better do something to boost your self-confidence, such as learning. What makes you feel uncomfortable? What’s your Achilles’ heel? 

The Causes of Jealousy

  • low self-esteem/ subconscious lack of self-worth/ negative self-perception
  • Narcissism/ Sense of Superiority


There isn’t enough attention and praise for everyone. Jealousy occurs when our self-esteem are threatened. It’s a commonplace thing that people tend to feel jealous about others’ career successes,  popularity, personal achievements, etc. People tend to believe someone’s life is much easier or better than their own life.  

Studies have shown that increased jealousy is associated with decreased self-esteem. As Dr. Robert Firestone defined, “critical internal voice” is a form of negative self-talk. 


Healthy Jealousy
People who practice healthy jealousy turn their jealousy into admiration or the motive to become a better me. They befriend those they even and learn from them. They believe they can have the same life or achieve the same targets as those they envy. People who practice healthy jealousy never criticize those they envy, because people who practice healthy jealousy are those who have healthy self-esteem.  They feel good about themselves and they believe in their own ability and potential to achieve the life they want. Unlike those who practice toxic jealousy, they do not suffer from a sense of inferiority for their own imperfection. 


Deal with Jealousy

1. Challenge negative thoughts. 

2. Note down the evidence of being loved. You have the one who believes that you are worthy of being loved.

3. Note down your strength and talents

4. Note down your personal achievements. 

5. Celebrate little victories.

6.Counter against your weaknesses.  

List your vulnerabilities and work on it. 


Healthy & Unhealthy Jealousy in Relationships

Oftentimes, jealousy occurs when someone we love pay much attention to someone else. Some philosophers believe that jealousy is an erotic catalyst that expresses concerns and care. Nevertheless, being jealous should not become a habit or even a character trait. Intense jealousy generates feelings of anger and sabotages our rationality to make sound judgments.


Jealousy in Love Relationships
People who have low self-esteem tend to believe that they are not worthy of being loved or “not good enough” issue. They are trapped by their own imperfections or flaws due to social prejudice.


Jealousy, Narcissism and Sense of Superiority

The narcissist feels threatened when they feel small, unnoticed, inferior or defective. severe narcissists tend to get extremely jealous of others’ success or happiness with a strong desire to compete with others due to the sake of a sense of superiority. Severe narcissists have a predatory nature that they desire to prove themselves as superior to everyone around them.


Causes of Narcissism: Trauma
Most severe narcissists experience emotional injure at a crucial time in life. They might be humiliated or neglected. To prevent themselves from getting hurt, they push themselves to perform well on all sides.
They don’t let their guard down. Thus, it’s challenging for the narcissist to expose their vulnerabilities in intimate relationships.


Psychological Achilles Heel

Does any negative core belief keep holding you back and knocking your confidence? We all have an Achilles heel. An Achilles heel is a deeply ingrained defective belief system that tends to sabotage our self-esteem by making us feel we are not good enough yet, we are defective or unlovable, imperfect.


Inferiority Complex and Social Anxiety
There will always be someone who is prettier, younger, smarter than you in some ways. If you are comfortable with being who you are and being satisfied with your life and your personal achievements in the pockets, you are blessed. Most people experience moments of feeling bad about themselves or feeling “inferior” to others. Those who struggled with social anxiety are those who are being extremely anxious about their Achilles heel. People strive to prove ourselves and they are terrified of frustrations.


An inferiority complex is often subconscious. As someone experiences repeated humiliation, he or she might feel inferior to others because he/she learn to devalue himself/herself from others’ hostile treatment. Causes of inferiority are too many to name that even sexual orientation, economic status, or even religion are common reasons to make a person being discriminated against.


Psychology of Jealousy 

Jealousy is a painful emotional experience with the desire to have more attention and love. Envy occurs when you want something you don’t have, such as popularity, wealth, intelligence, social status, or appearance.


Jealousy fuels damaging behaviors and compel people to obsessively monitor another’s relationships. Acknowledging your vulnerability helps ward jealousy off and strengthen a relationship. Acknowledging jealousy helps spur productive deep conversations about how to repair the bond or strengthen the bond. A wealth of evidence suggests that men feel greater jealousy about sexual infidelity, while women tend to feel more jealous about emotional infidelity in love relationships.


Mindpower and illnesses

The cause of all illnesses roots in the mind. Illness reminds us to work on our mental wounds and to practice forgiveness.


What I learn from life, those who are free from the suffering of illness and those who are blessed are the ones who never blaming others or anything in life. They focus on the solutions without blaming anyone nor anything. Life gets better.


As we tend to blame anyone or anything, we will be trapped by negative emotions without awareness. Negative emotions sabotage our mental strength and productivity. By being jealous, people are more easily to be irritated and distracted. 


Rationalize Imperfection in Life 

Those who suffer from low self-esteem fail to secure true happiness no matter what. Those who suffer from low self-esteem tend to devalue themselves due to the imperfections in themselves, such as a scar, a failed relationship, or a lower-paid job offer. They live on the edge waiting to be exposed. They exhaust themselves to be better. The judging themselves harshly and suffer from self-criticism, unconsciously or not. Self-doubt and self-hatred stop people from shining in the way they could. A lot of tension, stress would disappear when you learn to believe you are good enough. 



Symptoms of Psychological Distress
Psychological distress is psychological discomfort that results in negative views of the environment, others, and the self, causing sorrow, anxiety, distraction, or even symptoms of mental illness.


Causes of Psychological Distress

Psychological distress occurs when we fail to cope with external events or stressors place demands upon us. Traumatic experiences are common causes of psychological distress. Psychological distress is a maladaptive response to a stressful disturbing situation.


More Info 

  1. When Jealousy and Empathy Collide in the Brain By Christian Jarrett
  2. Anxiety in Teens is Rising: What’s Going On?


Margaret W. Lavigne 

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Margaret W. Lavigne 司馬儀

There’s a strong link between imperfection, unconditional love and posttraumatic growth. In truth, we can only witness unconditional love in the hard times. If you believe in luck or miracles, be aware of the seven deadly sins and the seven heavenly virtues. According to the Bible, no one will be exempt from life challenges, including the chosen ones (1 Peter 1:3-9). God expects us to stay hopeful and “rejoice in our sufferings,” because “trials of various kinds” are training to make us “perfect and complete” (Romans 5:3-6, James 1:1-27). It’s comforting to know that “God promises to make something good out of the storm” (Roman 8: 28). We fall and we learn. As we learn to humble ourselves, life gets better. The connection between the brain and stomach is bidirectional. Excessive sugar intake sabotages our immune system that 70% to 80% of our immunity hinges on our gut health. Memory loss and cognitive impairment are common symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease, all of which are highly connected to type 2 diabetes. Early signs of type 2 diabetes include chronic fatigue, irritability, frequent urination, vision problems and slow wound healing. Depression is prevalent in people with diabetes due to the fact that diabetes causes “structural changes in the brain.” It’s worth noting that muscle-building helps regulate blood sugar levels. There is growing evidence that high blood sugar leads to reduced muscle mass. Beyond that, there’s a strong link between sleep deprivation and emotional weakness Be aware of the power of tenderness, humility and subconscious mind. Generally, negative emotions root in the inability to forgive, vanity or pride. People suffer from suppressed anger. God is watching our every move. God sees through our motives. Mental health crisis is sweeping on a global scale because the core value of capitalism is incompatible with what human truly needs. Money cannot purchase inner peace nor unconditional love. Wealth incurs fair-weather friends, frenemies and snobs. I would say, inner peace is the utmost blessing from God. Trauma is highly linked to chronic fatigue and chronic illness. Take time to deal with your old mental wounds. 這裡不是天堂,我們必須勇敢!這輩子身體顧好了,你就賺到四百萬+++。人生,除了身體健康以外的事都是小事,而生病只是提醒不是懲罰,因為無常是:一個健康的人一出門就沒有再回家了,連道別的機會和準備都沒有。人們錯過的都是最悲傷最真實的故事!因為多數人可以分享的都無關緊要的痛或路人皆知的痛。佛教用因果論概括一切,而聖經主張人生必有難題(包括選民),但好好表現,災難背後會有禮物。如果你以為誰的人生很輕鬆,肯定是你跟對方不熟。脖子控管自律神經!肩頸僵硬,「自律神經」就會被受到壓迫!自律神經失調引發的症狀包括頭痛、暈眩、焦慮、失眠、倦怠、口渴、耳鳴,甚至憂鬱等症狀。自律神經失調了,血液的品質也會跟著惡化!解法:甩手操。建議多按壓頭皮、耳朵和手上的穴道。腸胃健康和大腦健康息息相關,國外大力探討久坐對身體的傷害!健康建議:天芢無糖抹茶搭配芝麻和牛奶X 無糖豆漿X鹼性飲食X淋巴按摩X提高肌肉量(控制血糖的關鍵,糖尿病是可逆轉的)。鈣是解痛劑(看牙科前)。維生素E主修復,可避免留疤。高壓容易緊張族群可多攝取維生素B和鈣的食物。一夜白頭是心理影響身體的鐵證,勿低估負面情緒對身體的傷害,包括生悶氣或憂愁。詳情請參看網站醫療專欄。壞脾氣一定有理由,可能是高血糖或創傷症候群或高壓族群,而壞情緒會把幸運福氣和天使嚇跑。禍福相依,好消息可能會成為頭痛點,壞消息可能成為跳板!不屬於自己的只會逗留,不會久留,勿強求。引用小說《推理愛》:「判斷一個人愛不愛她很難,但判斷一個人珍不珍惜她卻很簡單。」「柔和」「謙卑」與「歸零」的力量。自信缺氧,就用力學習。不自律就無法成為更好的自己,不自律就無法肯定自己!提醒自己做該做的而不是想做的。預防改善糖尿病推薦食材:洋蔥、無糖抹茶、咖哩及酪梨。理財時代,從照顧好自己的健康開始。遠離乳癌,醫師呼籲不要使用塑膠袋裝熱食!國外研究證實:阿茲海默症患者「禁糖」便可望痊癒!人們低估了「糖過量」及「過食」對身體的破壞力。咖啡和巧克力的好被過度放大.精神不濟喝咖啡恐消耗維生素B。聖經說了,說過的每句話都會被記錄在一本書裡!好壞都被記錄了,所以聖經主張人們不可記他人的過錯。最佳午睡時間是20分鐘和90分鐘。以上,互相督促。生命線協談專線:1995 安心專線:1925 張老師專線:1980 自殺防治諮詢安心專線:0800-788995 聯繫司馬儀(譬如跨界合作):Gmail: 




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