Love & Tenderness
Do not calculate how much time and money you have invested in your kids. Calculate how many hugs and smiles you have offered. The Bible values the importance of temperance, compassion and tenderness.
Risks of Authoritarian Parenting
Psychologists believe that authoritarian parenting is detrimental to a child’s mental health that their kids are more likely to suffer from anxiety, low self-esteem, and chronic depression.
Authoritarian parents are sending a message to the kids that they can’t be easily satisfied if he or she can’t make everything perfectly to their wishes. Thus, kids suffer from overwhelming pressure on a daily basis. Kids will be easily frustrated all the time because they can easily be blamed when they fail to make things perfect. They might realize that they can never make their parents happy. To grow up in such an environment, a kid will be more likely to grow into a stereotypical perfectionist and have a low tolerance for imperfection and failure.
Helicopter parenting lessons a child’s ability to make their own decisions, making them feel uncomfortable in leadership positions. (Reference: A study published in 2013 in the Journal of Child and Family Studies) . With long-term authoritarian parenting, kids potentially lose confidence in themselves and they can barely have healthy self-esteem. In a nutshell, authoritarian parenting makes unhappy stressful parents, depressed kids and detached alienated parent-child relationships.
Authoritarian parenting potentially sabotages possible happiness and positive energy at home. They suppose they can never good enough. Both chronic stress and chronic depression proved to be detrimental to our brain and mental health.
Kids’ voice is deserved to be respected…
As for me, kids are deserved to be treated as adults. As you give them respect, they will learn to respect you as well. Do not yell at kids when they don’t listen. You don’t do that to your silly colleagues and supervisors. Don’t abuse your kids. By doing so, you are committing a sin in God’s eyes. Be aware of the seven deadly sins if you aim to earn more luck and blessings in life.
I believe my intelligence now is as high as I was around four years old, no big difference indeed. But I broaden my knowledge database and I am dealing with trauma better now. As to healthy parenting, both supportive parenting and punitive parenting are demanded.
To Parents Who Never Learn to Listen …
If you want to get to know more about your kids, be an attentive listener. No one wanted to be fully controlled by others. By doing so, they end up alienating their kids. Kids who have dictatorial parents will be educated to suppress their needs.
Parents shouldn’t be the one who controls the kids’ future. As a parent, you already have your own life. Do not take away the kids’ life by taking away their rights to make big decisions in life. Kids have their own life. Parents are not empowered to embrace two lives. Parents are not qualified to deprive kids’life. It’s their life. Parents are able to give suggestions and leave the kids to make judgments on their own. But Do not dictate kid’s life as what you do to your subordinates at the workplace. As you treat your kids as your subordinates at your office, you are pushing them away from you.
Authoritarian parenting proves to be detrimental to children’s mental health. Authoritarian parenting refers to parents who demand absolute obedience and have high demands for their children or unreasonably high expectations of their children, yet provide little mental support, tenderness and warmth. Authoritarian parents rarely or never compliment their children. Generally, authoritarian parents have high demands for themselves and they do have a higher chance to be perfectionists who suffer from depression.
Evidently, being a parent does make a person empowered. It’s a commonplace thing that people forget what a kid feels after they become parents. Essentially, most people feel good to preach lessons and give orders. Don’t deny it.
A wealth of studies found that kids might become more susceptible to depression if their parents use less praise in parenting to show approval, love, and support. Also, some studies found parents who exert strong psychological control over their children would affect a kid’s academic performance. More and more studies prove that pressure and depression do undermine a person’s memory capability. In truth, kids who have authoritative parents doom to bear more pressure as they grow up.
It’s worth noting that people with low-esteem are more likely to keep a long-term abusive relationship. Those who suffer from authoritarian parenting do have a higher tolerance for an abusive love relationship because they are accustomed to abusive relationships by rationalizing dictatorial behaviours, verbal abuse or even domestic violence.
- Set yourself a model.
- Make home a shelter for kids.
Give compliments and encouragement when they deserve it. If a parent never compliments their kids or express love and support in parenting, that’s a warning sign. Mental support and unconditional love are the key elements to help a person defeat life troubles and secure posttraumatic growth.
Humans crave love, recognition and intimacy by nature. If a kid can’t secure intimacy and love at home, they look for love somewhere. Some kids might rush into an intimate relationship instead.
- Don’t give orders without offering any explanations.
Offer explanations when you prohibit them from doing something.
- Let the kids fall when the cost is bearable.
You can’t protect them from getting hurt from a lifetime. Everyone doom to bear loss and frustrations in life.
- Don’t outlet your negative emotions as you educate your kids.
Correct your kids when necessary with the right tone. Don’t bring your emotion into the conversation. It’s difficult. Nobody said it was easy.
- Make apologies when you say something mean or rude
Everyone makes mistakes. Parents might say something mean or rude due to negative emotions, such as depression, sorrow or anger.
- Avoid using negative sentences.
Negative sentences are perfect material to build up negative energy at home.
Parenting & Bullying
Do not let out your negative emotions in the name of love or education. Kids have their own life and they shouldn’t be the outlet of parents’ negative emotions. If you let out your bad emotion in the name of education, you’re bullying your kids indeed. Yes, many parents bully their kids unconsciously or not. Verbal abuse is so common and universal and people are not aware of the wickedness of it. Home is the place where should be perfectly good for caring, rest and warmth rather than scolding and yelling. As a parent, if you are the one who creates negative energy all the time, you are driving your kids away from you. Everyone craves for love and intimacy rather than harsh criticism. As a person do something wrong, he/she tends to be the one who criticizes himself/herself. Be tender and empathetic. By being condescending, you are driving your kids away from you.
I would say, punitive discipline is just a demonstration of parents who have low emotional intelligence that toxic parents abuse the weak in the name of love and education.
What if parents fail to discipline themselves?
Most adults have low self-discipline. Adults fail to quit binge eating. Adults burn the midnight oil all the time. Adults fail to control their emotions. Adults don’t have the ability to forgive others and they tend to numb their pain through alcohol or coffee.
What will happen if the parents fail to take full control of their emotions? Do you set yourself a model all the time? Do depressed parents able to provide love and care for their kids if they fail to take good care of themselves?
Be a “Good Enough Parent”
Parents who secure great academic performance and career success do have a relatively higher percentage to execute authoritarian parenting. Here are the reasons why. They are being the ones who proved to be successful and they are being the ones who give orders at the workplace. Mostly, they are the ones who make decisions at the workplace and they might lose the ability to listen or make any compromises. My parents are one of them. They achieved the best academic performance among their siblings and they earned early career success as well. Thus, it’s never easy to persuade my parents.
Margaret W. Lavigne
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