親子教育|比起要求孩子「聽話」,應盡早教會孩子「拒絕」「求救」

關於教育,不該只focus要求孩子「聽話」,應該盡可能早點教會孩子「拒絕」「求救」「表達自己的想法」與「選擇和做決定的能力」。

 

安全範圍內,給孩子摔跤的機會

只要在安全範圍內,給孩子摔跤的機會。痛,是一個很好的學習,因為身為父母的你不可能跟在旁邊看緊孩子一輩子或保護他一輩子到老。

 

很多爸媽愛子心切,孩子念什麼科系未來找什麼工作,甚至戀愛結婚對象都想要積極參與干涉,或替孩子做主。或者口頭上說讓孩子決定,但當孩子的決定不同時,又會再度說服或生悶氣

 

一。父母不可能一輩子保護孩子

老生長談:教孩子釣魚,遠比把魚釣好給孩子吃更要緊!孩子獨自出門可能不安全,但你不能為了不讓自己擔心,就不讓孩子一個人出門,而是要叮嚀孩子避免危險和注意安全的方法。

 

二。比起幫孩子做決定,「訓練孩子為自己的事做決定,很可能比什麼都重要」

你不可能一輩子替他孩子做決定!比起幫孩子做決定,「訓練孩子為自己的事做決定很可能比什麼都重要」,畢竟,父母不可能永恆地陪在身邊替孩子做決定….

 

三。父母的決定不一定絕對正確或萬無一失

認定自己的判斷一定的絕對正確的,這個想法本身就值得討論!即便父母如果認定自己的看法必然是正確的是對的,便要做好備埋怨的心理準備,然而

 

有一些孩子不信任父母或主觀強,這樣的孩子不可能讓爸媽替自己作主,也不可能因為爸媽的看法影響自己的決定。但也有很多孩子希望和爸媽保持良好關係(很多爸媽完全無法接受孩子沒有聽從自己的意見,他們會認為孩子不聽從就是不服從,就是不受教,就是不聽話,就是不孝順。

 

所以很多孩子不願父母生氣或動怒,往往妥協退讓。但孩子不可能妥協一輩子,或妥協久了最後養出病,因為孩子會很憂鬱。如果你不敢說你400%的決定是正確萬無一失的決定,請勿過度干涉成年以後孩子的所有決定。因為你可能是錯的。

 

給意見和下指令的模糊地帶

很多爸媽可能事後會說:我只是只給意見。思考點是:你認為你是權威型的父母嗎?孩子有沒有怕你生氣的可能性?你生氣的反應是什麼?冷戰或臭臉?過去孩子沒有聽從你給的意見,你是否動怒或長期冷戰?

繼續閱讀

 

 

Wise Library 1985

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