Are you being fine not having something you desire most?
We desire something and we are dread of changes and terrified of the unknown, especially when something is essentially unpredictable. We tell ourselves that we are good not having it. As we stop trying, we give up without awareness. That’s the root of unhappiness.
We give up a lot of our wish lists without self-consciousness. And we confine ourselves in a place where is safe but lack of chances, novelty and passion. We give up tons of possibilities. What does it mean? We lose a lot indeed. Some Possibilities could be once-in-a-lifetime chances. And you will never have it if you keep giving up any possible chances in life.
We can never pursue happiness. Happiness is the bonus after we push our best effort in life and be grateful for what we own.
Back to reality, nobody can have everything they desire in life no matter what. We are doomed to embrace separation in life. Everyone will lose something and someone they deeply love.
8 Common Causes of Unhappiness in the Crowd and Rich Families
Bertrand Russell’s The Conquest of Happiness
Bertrand Russell can’t figure out why people were so unhappy all the time. His grandfather was a British Prime Minister. He grew up in a rich family but he was lonely and harbored suicidal attempts when he was a teenager. The only thing that kept himself from suicide was wanting to learn more about math.
Russell secured every advantage that others desired. He found rich people around him were just as unhappy as others and it confused him.
He observed“Stand in a busy street during working hours, or on a main thoroughfare at a weekend, or at a dance of an evening…. You will find that each of these different crowds has its own trouble… In the work-hour crowd you will see anxiety, excessive concentration, dyspepsia, lack of interesting in anything but the struggle, incapacity for play, unconsciousness of their fellow creatures.”
In his 20s, Russell witnessed the suffering of people close to him, and he desired to find cures to “make human life endurable.”
In 1930, Russell published the book The Conquest of Happiness, which examined why society seemed to be so miserable. In the preface, he asserts that the principles increased his own happiness whenever he” acted in accordance with them.”
Russell identified eight illnesses which cause unhappiness in his age: competition, boredom, fear of public opinion, envy, guilt and shame, meaninglessness, fatigue and persecution mania.
Stability and Boredom Come hand in hand
If we choose to stay in the comfort zone, we prioritize adventure for stability. Do we pursue stability and avoid at all costs? No adventure, no excitement, surprises, nor self-actualization. What are you afraid of most, dangers, failures or regrets? If you get bored, it means you choose to play safe and stop trying something new in life and stop growing.
For sure, stability comes with a price by giving up all possible chances and self-development.
Competition: The struggle for life.
It’s a bleak viewpoint of survival. How many of us are caught in a dire fight for the survival of life? Moderate competition is healthy, which can bring out the best potential in people. Competition can be counterproductive if it involves with flat-out lies or anything shady or illegal. That’s a crime indeed. And it’s a widespread phenomenon that people aim to earn money by committing a crime.
Constant meaningless hostile competitions and misjudgments
As Umair Haque has written “ We built this thing called GDP in the 1930s, and then we just…stopped building lenses with which to see each other […]we only see each other in one limited, tiny, narrow way […]We don’t see what we are accomplishing, how we are living, whether our societies cohere and hang together […] Other countries don’t see the world in this strange one-dimensional way ”
What would be the outcome of our society if the mainstream media keep overemphasizing the importance or achievement of material success?
In Stanford’s commencement speech, Steve Jobs asserts “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose [….] There is no reason not to follow your heart.
Unhappiness is Another form of suffering
Russell’s purpose of writing the book The Conquest of Happiness is to provide “a cure for the ordinary day-to-day unhappiness from which most people in civilized countries suffer, and which is all the more unbearable because, having no obvious external cause, it appears inescapable,” he writes.
Wealth can’t guarantee happiness
Russell writes“Nor do I deny that money, up to a certain point, is very capable of increasing happiness; beyond that point, I do not think it does so.” “What I do maintain is that success can only be one ingredient in happiness.”
Growing up in a well-off family, I found something resonates to Russell’s observation. I found those who have earned sufficient wealth are not absolutely happier. They are exempt from the pressure of survival, but wealth can’t guarantee them happiness. Then, I am wondering that maybe God expects those who have more to give more to those who are in need.
Why are non-cognitive skills important? What are the non-cognitive skills?
Non-cognitive skills cover a range of abilities such as conscientiousness, perseverance, and teamwork, all of which are critically important to the route of self-actualization and career development. How can I improve my cognitive skills?
Cognitive skills have more to do with the mechanisms of how we solve the problems and how we deal with frustrations, failures and people’s offensive judgments.
1. We do need a solid, unwavering faith and purpose of life to ensure we are on the right track.
2. Greatness demands consistency. A generation that cannot endure solitude will be a generation of little achievements.
3. We spend far too much time focus on insignificant person’s judgments.If only we could understand that we can never avoid frustrating or nasty external objects and people, we might be more realistic to the facts of reality. You’d better ask yourself“Why Am I subjecting myself to others’ words and acts?” Every time you get upset, ask yourself “Is this really the life I want? “Don’t be afraid to make a change. Solutions come with changes.
4. Some days are thrilling, but most days are not. That’s life.
5. Positive emotions keep a person physically active and negative emotions such as sorrow and disappointments can potentially cause a person mental and physical fatigue. Nowadays, brain fog has become a serious issue that most people exhaust themselves to an extent that their brains dry up and unable to process any information as they hit the sack.
Russell writes “Most moderns lead a nerve-racking life and are continually too tired to be capable of enjoyment without the help of alcohol.”
Inspirational quotes on happiness and life
Here’s the question: How to embrace the best me?
Getting what you want is simple but not easy.
There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved. －George Sand
▲George Sand by Charles Louis Gratia (c. 1835)George Sand is a romantic idealist writer. George Sand was popular among the artists of her time. As a child, she was left in the care of her grandmother and mother when her father died. Seeking to escape conflict with her grandmother and mother, she entered a convent at 14 and later joined her grandmother in Nohant. She inherited her grandmother’s estate. She married Casimir-François Dudevant in 1822 and separated in 1831. Then, she moved to Paris, leaving the children with their father. She became the lover of Jules Sandeau, with whom she wrote some articles under the name “J. Sand.” She published her first novel Indiana in 1832, which pinpointed women’s limited choices in love and marriage. She adopted the pseudonym George Sand for her own writing. She separated from Sandeau and legally separated from Dudevant in 1835 and won custody of Solange. In 1848, she moved to back to Nohant and continued her writing until her death in 1876. Besides, George Sand was criticized for dressing in men’s clothing in public. Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin (French: [amɑ̃tin lysil oʁɔʁ dypɛ̃]), best known by her nom de plume George Sand (French: [ʒɔʁʒ sɑ̃d]), was a French controversial writer, novelist and memoirist. Known as Armandine Aurore Lucille Dupin (birth name), Armandine Aurore Lucille Dupin Dudevant (married name); pseudonyms George Sand, G. Sand, and Julius Sand or J. Sand when she wrote together with Jules Sandeau. In 1876, she was buried in the private graveyard behind the chapel at Nohant-Vic at the age of 71.
“Don’t you think it was a little selfish to travel around the world looking for yourself?” She always answered, “You know what? I actually think it would have been a little selfish to spend the rest of my life in narcissistic, depressive, anxious misery. That person adds nothing to society, adds nothing to any room that she enters, adds nothing to the people whom she touches. The best community service I can possibly offer the world is to stay healthy and sane.” －Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out by Marci Shimoff
“God abandons only those who abandon themselves, and whoever has the courage to shut up his sorrow within his own heart is stronger to fight against it than he who complains.” ― George Sand, La Petite Fadette
“I was born to love – but none of you wanted to believe it, and that misunderstanding was crucial in forming my character. It’s true that nature was strangely inconsistent in giving me a warm heart, but also a face that was like a stone mask and a tongue that was heavy and slow [….]People judged my inner character by my outer covering [….] I withered under the rough husk I couldn’t slough off.”― George Sand, Indiana
“It is warm, I am alive, I am calm and sad, I hardly know why. In this existence so even, so tranquil, and so gentle as I have here, I am in an element that weakens me morally while strengthening me physically; and I fall into melancholies of honey and roses which are none the less melancholy. It seems to me that all those I love forget me, and that it is justice, because I live a selfish life having nothing to do for any one of them.”― George Sand
“Life is full of happiness and tears; be strong and have faith.＂ －Kareena Kapoor Khan
“Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain […] Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind’s way of protecting itself from pain [….] Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying ‘time heals all wounds’ is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door […] There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind.” ― Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind
“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.” ― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
“According to Madam Pomfrey, thoughts could leave deeper scars than almost anything else.”― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
“Nothing resembles selfishness more closely than self-respect” ― George Sand, Indiana
“Whoever has loved knows all that life contains of sorrow and joy.” ― George Sand
“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine. ” －Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out by Marci Shimoff
“The old woman I shall become will be quite different from the woman I am now. Another I is beginning.” ― George Sand
“Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.” ― George Sand
“One is happy as a result of one’s own efforts once one knows the necessary ingredients of happiness: simple tastes, a certain degree of courage, self denial to a point, love of work, and above all, a clear conscience.” ― George Sand, Correspondance, 1812-1876, Volume 5
“Let us accept truth, even when it surprises us and alters our views.” ― George Sand, Letters Of George Sand
How to stop screwing yourself over | Mel Robbins | TEDxSF