成長必修情商|自信是不會無故消失的,都是有因果事件的….

“After all those years as a woman hearing “not thin enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not this enough, not that enough,’ almost overnight I woke up one morning and thought, ‘I’m enough.’ Anna Quindlen”-Leslie Braswell”

 

司馬儀:自信是不會無故消失的,都是有因果事件的,因為你受傷了。因為把那些惡言惡語當作真實真理…..對方不比你聰明或優秀,即便是,對方也不是你人生的裁判…人生短短幾十年,你過得滿意開心充實而且沒有干擾到他人就好,因為你清楚知道妳也不想照對方方式過日子(這些話像是對我自己說的)

 

高中以前,好像經常被說聰明,一次考壞的結果,不用再背負聰明的標籤,又一次考好的結果,又再次背負必須聰明的期待。一次考壞的結果可以被過度低估,一次考好的結果又被過度高估。沒有誰是笨蛋或天才,99%的我們都是普通人而已(政客往往低估了常人的智商才愛說謊)。

 

記得那年,剛放榜,我大約只開心了兩天就突然覺得有點不妙,考上理想的學校是不是代表我未來都必須那麼一如既往認真下去了….

 

有一段時間,我對一個很優秀的人很嚮往,回想起來,對方身上好像具備了我小時候、國中、大學到後來每一個階段喜歡的特質。愛情裡的弱點是擅長崇拜對方,但我又不敢濫用喜歡或愛情這樣的字眼,只能說是關注或者是一種丟不掉的掛念情緒。難以理解,畢竟緣分太短。我多希望自己更好一點,但有一天我卻意識到:等我成為我理想中充滿智慧博學的女人,那時候我應該已經是老奶奶了…..也可能,我用盡力氣,可能,有一個區塊的我永遠都不會被認可。啊,就醒了。

 

試圖讓自己更聰明更優秀一點的念頭,好累,單單是想像在對方面前不出錯的自己這一點就讓我感到萬分疲憊…很喜歡卻必須失去,我不確定自己的體質能否受得住(但害怕想念冰淇淋的味道,就不吃冰淇淋了嗎)

***

今天T罕見地主動和我討論情緒霸凌這個話題,談了書談了出版業,還有一般人的看法,最後我說了:因為在乎才會被控制,舉例同一個家庭有兩個孩子,在乎的人才會因為非常在乎對方的感受才會被控制,不在乎就不會有這些問題了

 

過度藏匿自己,算不算是把自己藏在世界的角落,但今天收到一封信之後我很困惑,老天爺好像不讓我繼續藏了…沒有用本名出書的Jane Austen…永遠都不露面的光禹….

 

意外因為好奇心使然而大大研究了聖經,自以為找到多數解答的我或還是會有困惑的時候….特別是關於self-seeking和sharing…

Wise Library 1985

People are not aware of the adverse effects of excessive sugar intake and habitual binge eating on health. It is scientifically proved that excessive sugar intake sabotages our immune system. Indeed, 70% to 80% of our immunity hinges on our gut health. The connection between brain and stomach is bidirectional. For those who suffer from diabetes or any chronic illnesses, moderate amount of sugar-free matcha tea, coupled with alkaline diet, will help you defeat COVID-19.There’s a strong link between sleep deprivation, emotional weakness and early aging. Be aware of the power of tenderness, humility and subconscious mind. Be aware of the cost of negative emotions, such as suppressed anger and depression. If you believe in luck or miracles, be aware of the seven deadly sins. God is watching our every move. God sees through our motives. Every spoken word will be recorded by God. Mental health crisis is sweeping on a global scale, because the core value of capitalism is incompatible with what human truly needs. Money cannot buy inner peace nor unconditional love. Wealth incurs fair-weather friends, frenemies and snobs. Inner peace is one of God’s blessings. People fail to get rid of negative emotions. Depression root in loss of hope. People do not aware that there’s a strong link between imperfection, unconditional love and post-traumatic growth.When our life track differs from our original plan, don’t be scared. It’s comforting to know that “God promises to make something good out of the storm” for or those who remain righteous, tender and humble in any circumstances (Roman 8: 28). People know nothing about “God’s discipline” (Hebrews 12:11). According to the Bible, God’s discipline and God’s love are intertwined. According to the Bible, no one can be exempt from life challenges nor life troubles, including the righteous and the chosen ones (1 Peter 1:3-9).We fall and we learn. We become a better me as we learn to humble ourselves.

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