Created by Wise Library 1985
Deal With Difference and Conflicts
Holding off conflicts happens when one partner does their best to avoid any possible arguments and disagreements in order to protect the relationship. Dealing with disagreements can be stressful because it creates more uncertainty, discomfort, and anxiety. However, conflict avoidance is dangerous as well. Conflict avoidance is much like poisoning your relationship little by little. Conflict avoidance is much like ignoring the sting in the relationship. By doing so, discomfort and distrust will accumulate. As disagreements are being delayed, denied, avoided, or handled ineffectively, the relationship will be in trouble. As uncomfortable feelings are being suppressed repeatedly, the relationship will be in trouble. Even the most seemingly trivial disagreements are likely to damage a relationship in the long term if not addressed. Solve the problem ASAP as you identify the problem. Conflict avoidance will make problems fester and the relationship will be estranged. Be aware of the cost of inhibiting deep communication in a relationship. Again, do not ignore problems in a relationship.
Benefits of Conflict
Are you conflict allergic? Solving disagreements can be stressful and tricky. However, it’s more important s to express our needs and emotions authentically. Dealing with conflict properly and constructively will promise a deeper, more stable, and healthier relationship. In a relationship, there will be uncomfortable disagreements.
It is challenging when our lover or life partner disagrees with our opinions or suggestions. Why different viewpoints potentially result in friction or even outright conflict?
There are rules to guarantee the potential positive benefits of dealing with conflicts. Avoid negative judgments and criticism. Avoid blaming. Avoid using negative vocabulary in the conversation. Focus on what you want and what you prefer in the future. Conflict might activate our fight-or-flight self-protection mechanism. Some hurtful words will destroy relationships in a minute.
- Avoid using negative vocabulary in the conversation. Don’t make accusations if you want to improve the relationship. Avoid blaming the other person
- Do not argue about who’s right and wrong in a given situation.
- Express what you care, what you desire, and what you expect in a relationship
- Express your priorities in a relationship
- Express what’s acceptable and what’s non-negotiable in a relationship
- It’s not necessary to reach a consensus on the spot. It takes time to make a big decision. It takes time to make compromises between both parties.
- Make sure you communicate in a soft tone without pulling a long face.
When there is too much discomfort in a relationship, the relationship is in danger. A happy and healthy relationship occurs when both parties feel comfortable expressing their views. A happy and healthy relationship occurs when both parties are not afraid of expressing their thoughts and feelings. It’s true that conflict might cause damages. Avoidance of conflict will never create true companionship. Avoidance of conflict will never create a relationship with deep understanding. Bonds will be stronger after a constructive conflict. A happy and healthy relationship will grow strong after solving the conflicts in a relationship.
It’s scientifically proven that bottling up ou negative emotions potentially increases the risk of premature death and cancer. Conflict avoidance impacts our relationships in a negative manner. Conflict avoidance stops you from having honest communication with your lover or a life partner. In the long run, conflict avoidance ends up harming intimacy in a relationship.
A Couples Therapist: Conflict Avoidance Destroys Your Marriage
Conflict avoidance pattern erodes the relationship foundation because if you keep withdrawing from deep communication to save peace in your relationship, you inevitably start a war inside yourself and you are doomed to suffer negative emotions persistently. What is worse, negative emotions will accumulate and explode without any notice. When conflict avoidance becomes a repetitive pattern, it builds up resentment and dissatisfaction.
A communication style where you simply withdraw from communication and stop responding is called stonewalling, according to Dr. John Gottman who’s has researched divorce prediction and marital stability for the past 40 years. Dr. Gottman considers stonewalling to be one of the four most harmful behaviors to marriage. The other three bad communication styles include criticism, contempt, and defensiveness. According to his research, stonewalling is the second behavior that predicts divorce with over 90 percent accuracy.
What do you call a person who avoids conflict?
A person who refuses to confront a dispute is called a pacifist. Generally, a pacifist is a peacemaker who values harmony and prioritizes harmony over anything else.
Being conflict-avoidant means avoiding any possible disagreements at all costs. Avoiding conflict can be a habit or even evolve into a personality. Conflict avoidance has something to do with people-pleasing behavior and failed communication experiences, which arise from fear of upsetting others. Those who exhibit conflict avoidance tendencies have a higher chance to grow up in an environment where disagreements are discouraged and absolute obedience is expected.
Solving disagreements may be scary or unnerving. However, do not shy away from having open and healthy communication. Without solving disagreements and discomfort in a relationship, you have to endure uncomfortable situations persistently.
Signs and Examples of Conflict Avoidance
- Avoid the slightest disagreement
- Fear of irritating anyone and disappointing anyone
- Deny an issue exists by ignoring it
- Sidestep conversations to avoid any possible conflict
- Avoid directly confronting the issue at hand
- Pretend some problems never happened or don’t exist.
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