「他試圖扮演別人的心靈導師努力想開導對方,但事實上我們不見得有這個能力」

其實我們對於「愛」的理解及感受都太過稀少,以致於有太多人根本不懂得怎麼愛自己,也不知道要如何接受愛....有些人會追求成為別人的心靈導師,努力想開導對方或為對方做更多,但事實上,我們不見得有這個能力去處理對方的問題,而且在對方開口請求我們協助之前,任何擅自的干預,對於雙方都不是件好事…

 

接納的第一個步驟,其實就是放下自身的想法,放掉那些好壞對錯,只是去看、去聽,然後接受這個人就是這樣、這件事就是這樣。不需要去評論什麼,我們並沒有偉大到可以去評論別人的人生、評判別人過得如何,我們只需要去了解、去認識,就足夠了….

 

每個人都有自己做出某個行為的原因,他們自己也知道不符合社會的道德規範,這點根本不需要別人再去提醒,他們需要被別人理解的是他們為什麼這麼做?他們遇到了什麼事?他們內心在想什麼?而不是單純的一句「很好」或是「不好」….

 

很多人都很脆弱、需要依賴別人、渴望別人給自己愛、希望別人接受全部的自己,以為只要找到一個夠愛自己、能接納自己全部的人,人生就再也不會遇到困難了。….這些想法都在把自己人生的、情緒的責任丟到另一個人身上,希望別人能夠為自己的人生及情緒負責。

 

這種人其實非常多,多到你在路上隨便抓一把,可能有一半都是。這種人在覺得自己被療癒、被接納之後,很可能會將那個接納自己的人當成浮木一樣緊抓不放,並且出現情緒勒索的行為,最後也有可能會演變成恐怖情人…..

 

你頂多只能夠陪伴他,但自己的困難、自己的情緒,最終還是得依靠自己解決,你能為他做的,只有在他沮喪挫折的時候,持續的給他支持與陪伴,你無法幫他處理那些人生的大小事….

※ 本文摘自《從左手到牽手》篇名〈療癒──我接納那些你不接納的自己〉

作者:AWE情感工作室.亞瑟
兩性關係 | 時報出版 | 2018/9/25出版

Wise Library 1985

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