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愛情必修學分:感情能否持久,關鍵在於你能否承受對方最壞的狀態?

轉稿人:司馬儀

不要選那個愛妳的時候最溫柔體貼的,而是….

司馬儀:不要選那個愛妳的時候最溫柔體貼的(沒有人知道那份好會持續多久),而是他最壞最糟的狀態是你能夠長期接受的(交往前或婚前能願意為你改的壞習慣或壞脾氣,不代表交往後婚後還是能繼續維持或存在)。

 

關鍵是:你不一定能在交往前或婚前就有機會看到對方最糟的狀態…很多人是在’交往後或婚後才展現最惡的狀態如暴力或霸凌!而暴力,根據國外研究,家暴不會是偶發性行為,所以有一就有二!家暴當然屬於失控性行為,很可能是躁鬱症的行為之一,也是反社會人格的行為之一,但罹患嚴重精神疾病的人,很可能是沒有病識感的病人…更重要的是:有暴力傾向的人,想動手是不需要任何理由,單純想打人想發洩而不是因為任何理由被激怒….單純想找人出氣。

 

對的人,只會讓你在暖冬裡不怕冷,而不是那個殘害你睡眠指數的人,而不是讓你不斷拉長你寬容底線的人。認真想想單身的你是怎麼過日子的?你是不能沒有他,還是無法一個人過日子?你是懷念他,還是一個人過日子太難受太寂寞太需要另一個人陪、太需要愛情當慰藉?

 

分手是處理失去和失望

錯愛是指把感情愛情留給不值得你愛的人!分手是處理失去和失望,太多人把分手後傷心(被辜負的情緒)錯當做愛對方的證據,但或許你並不愛他,你只是不擅長處理「失去」!一旦決定分手,請專注分手的理由(人類都嚮往歸屬感和親密感,一方想要分開的原因當然是因為痛苦指數太高了),適合彼此的戀人不該有飆高的痛苦指數!

 

能安全分手都該慶幸

很多人的分手痛苦都不是因為愛,而是很難接受被分手,而恐怖情人(像是分手暴力並不是少數,但存在很多黑數,或很多沉默的被霸凌者)!愛情太容易發生的世代,我們更需要謹慎理性看待愛情。找一個人戀愛不難,但分手很難,能安全分手都該慶幸!痊癒的重點在於理解體會失去的痛都是人生必要的過程,有的人偏好公開訴苦,有的人永遠選擇獨自消化。

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Margaret W. Lavigne 司馬儀

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